God's Design In Your Single Season
Today’s society, especially with social media, sometimes negatively associates the idea of singleness as a mere death sentence to being forever alone: Don’t let me forget about Valentine’s Day.
Ladies, it’s okay.
But why and when did singleness ever become a bad thing?
The Bible story of Ruth comes to mind on this subject. The book of Ruth portrays a woman named Ruth, who after being widowed and her village being hit with a famine, remains with her late husband’s mother, Naomi. Ruth is given the option to go back to her hometown and old traditions, but chooses to follow Naomi. Moving forward to the town of Bethlehem, Ruth lands a job gleaning barley fields. There, Ruth meets a nice, rich man named Boaz who takes a liking to her and happens to be related to Naomi's late husband’s family. After finding out of their meeting, Naomi devises a plan for Ruth to get the attention of Boaz in order to provoke a marriage between the two. Ruth obeys and she ends up heading out at night to pretty much sit at the feet of Boaz. Surprised and interested, Boaz tells Ruth that he would love to marry her, but out of respect, there is another relative closer to her mother in law that he proposes for her. In summary, the other relative has no desire for marriage and ends up buying land from Naomi’s family instead of marrying Ruth, leaving Boaz free to marry Ruth in the end.
The underlying theme in this book is obedience. Ruth’s obedience by chartering into unknown territory and being loyal to her mother in law, not only left her with a beautiful marriage, but ended up producing a child called Obed, who ended up being the grandfather of King David. Talk about a generational blessing. Imagine what obedience to God will look like for you in your season of singleness.
"Singleness is not a bad thing.
Actually, it’s a beautiful thing."
This is the time period that requires a lot of self in depth reflection. We live in a jump to jump society, that never really gets the chance to take one’s time on things. Patience is a virtue.Who is rushing you? Society? Your family? Your friends? God’s timing is the best thing.
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Ever find yourself comparing your life to someone else’s? All of a sudden, that spirit of envy starts to kick in. God never designed you to be like everyone else. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are unique for a reason. When you compare your life to others, it steals your joy and hinders you from truly being able to embrace and trust your journey and season. Do not be misled. You may not even know what other people had to go through to get where they were at in their season. Another reason to not be misled is that people tend to post their highlights only on social media. These are things to consider.
"God is your first love."
I formed you when you were in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5). Do you know that He knit you together? He chose your parents. He created you in His own image. He has loved you from the start. When you’re in your season of singleness (and that’s what this is- a season), put God first. Being intentional about being in a relationship with God will reap the rewards of the unimaginable.
After a relationship ended abruptly after almost 2.5 years together, I found myself confused, lost, and heartbroken. Broken in the spirit even. I remember in the weeks leading up to the breakup, I had asked God for my focus again. I wanted to grow with Him. Little did I know until later on, that He needed to take away a relationship in order for me to fix my eyes on him. I knew my calling was bigger than my surroundings. I just didn’t know what my next step was. My season of singleness lasted 1.9 months, in which, I became INTENTIONAL about focusing and growing with God. One of those things involved me being abstinent between the ages of 26-27. My ex and I had cohabited for nearly 2 years. How was I supposed to do this? This was new territory.
I had to learn to honor my body. My body was not mine. It belonged to God. What God creates, belongs to God. I gave back what was God’s in the first place. This was the first time I became truly self- aware and God revealed to me that I had given away pieces of me in every relationship I had; a little something called soul ties. This taught me self-respect, discipline, sacrifice, and character. There’s so much undisclosed enlightenment that comes with making a sacrifice like that. To commit myself to being celibate until God sent someone worthy to share that experience once again, in marriage.
Did temptations come?
Yes. Don’t they always? The enemy is the king of distraction and appeal. And each time, I had to put my foot down. Ladies stand your ground. If a man truly values you, he will not only wait, but take time to get to know you.Part of being intentional with God was learning to listen to His voice, in pursuit of His calling over my life.Which meant, I left the church I was in and ended up at another church, which is my home church now.
I was not focused on finding the one. I was focusing on being one- with God; my first love. Unexpectedly so, I met my husband at church. To be honest, he was not who I thought God had for me. Even more honestly, I curved him. But one thing stuck out to me. The man that God has for you ladies, will pursue you. You were never meant to be the pursuer. Women get lost chasing a lost cause. Don’t be that girl. Oh, and he will be equally yoked with you spiritually. These were two key factors in my prayers, which He answered in my obedience to His will. Trust that God has your best interest at heart. Once I trusted that this guy was the one, I never doubted that he was the one God had for me.I mean the dude proposed to me after 3 months together. Nine months later, we were married and yes, we stayed celibate until our wedding day. Months later, I’m pregnant with twins; a blessing only manifested by God.
Ladies, the best part of being single was that I learned how to love myself. I learned to see myself the way God sees me. That love then transcended into my relationship. And that same love will overflow into motherhood, which is a whole new season to embark.
Don't get lost in purposeless dating; you will never be able to focus on you. You’ll find pieces of yourself in unsettled relationships. You won’t feel whole. I needed that period to be broken before the Lord. I needed to be lost in order to be found, by a loving God and Father. He picked me up, healed the broken parts of me, and prepared me to be the wife I am today.He can and will do the same for you.Be encouraged ladies. You’re more precious than rubies. Guard your jewels. Remember that.